you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
