I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
