If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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