so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
