just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
