he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
