OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
