Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can I color on your dick again?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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