He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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