he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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