I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
