i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
