I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
