I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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