My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
