So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
