id be glad to
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
