I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
