i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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