so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
