i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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