Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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