Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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