After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
