What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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