I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
