ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
