My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
