I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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