My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
