you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
