Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
