You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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