I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
someone owes me an orgasm
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
