cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
