I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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