just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
