is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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