You work out of a Hotel?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
