Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
