his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
