remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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