Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
