There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
