best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
