Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
