I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
