I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
