I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
