he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
