Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize