Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
