someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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