I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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