i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
do nipples grow back?
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