a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i will never coherently bang her
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
