this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
