then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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