I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
