Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
