I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
