There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
