Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize