Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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