She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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